July 11, 2012

Pain

Everything from my shoulders to my toes hurts.  After three days in a row of actually making it to the gym, swimming, tread mill, weights, and swimming again... I'm certainly feeling every stroke, step, and lift.  I most recently saw pictures of myself from a friend's wedding.  I can honestly say, I didn't like what I saw.

I will be honest with any of you who read these blog entries.  I've struggled with my weight my entire life.  Some people say that and are obviously exaggerating.  I am not.  I was born 9 1/2 pounds and the chunkers never went away.  I was the little girl who stood out during dance recitals due to height and size.  I was the girl who got picked on by kids at school because she was bigger.  I was the teenager who was convinced that her weight had something to do with the fact that she didn't have a boyfriend. The teenager who was an "athlete" in high school, but despite of swimming 2-3 hours a day, 6 days a week: was never smaller than a size 16.  I was the college student that had to shop in one corner of the store that carried her size.  I am the young woman who battles inner demons, food addiction, emotional eating, and the will to stay positive daily.


I'm not looking for a pity party but just an outlet to express what I'm feeling.  A way to express how truly done I am with being this way.  So when I saw those pictures, I decided enough was enough.  I decided I was not defined by my failed (and lame) attempts at weight loss, by the labels society puts on plus sized women, or even by my size itself.  I called up my dad and committed to a 2.5k race called Big Shoulders in Chicago this September.  He asked me if I was sure.  Oh yeah Dad, I'm sure.

I decided this is my motivator to get in shape.  But really, I only pray that it's just the beginning.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...